Funeral Pre-Planning: How To Discuss Wishes With Family

By Nicole Krueger

Many people find it unpleasant to think or talk about their own deaths, but preplanning your funeral is one of the best things you can do for the loved ones who will be carrying out your final wishes. As your family gathers to celebrate the holidays, it's a good time to think about discussing your final wishes with those closest to you.

Benefits of preplanning a funeral
Although it may be uncomfortable, planning your funeral is beneficial for several reasons:

1. You will relieve your grieving loved ones of much of the stress associated with planning a funeral.
2. You will have the chance to decide what aspects of your service are important to you.
3. You can ensure you and your remains are treated in accordance with your own values regarding life and death.
4. You'll minimize disputes between family members.

End-of-life care
Funeral preparations aren't the only decisions you should consider making ahead of time. In the event that you become terminally ill, it's a good idea to let your family members know what type of care you wish to receive during your final days. Things you might want to think about include:

1. Who should make your health care decisions if you become unable to make them for yourself.
2. What medical treatments you wish to receive. You can decide whether to be given pain medication, artificial nutrition, and hydration.
3. Whether you wish to be resuscitated if your heart stops or you stop breathing.
4. Where you wish to spend your final days. You may wish to stay at home rather than be hospitalized, for instance.

Broaching the subject
When discussing your final wishes, you should begin by having a conversation with yourself in which you look closely at your desires and begin articulating your choices. Do you want to be buried or cremated? Would you prefer a traditional funeral service or something different? How would you like to be remembered?

It's a good idea to speak with funeral directors at this stage to get a feel for the available options and what they cost. They can help you determine what decisions need to be made.

Once you've figured out your own preferences, it is time to broach the subject with your family. Be open to their input, but be clear and firm about what you want. It can be a difficult and emotional conversation, but making sure everyone is on the same page is an important part of the funeral planning process. It can sometimes be helpful to include outside experts, such as a clergy member or your family physician.

When you're ready, put your specific wishes in writing and leave a copy with at least one trusted loved one. This will help alleviate confusion or disputes later on. However, keep in mind that any verbal or informal conversations you have about your decisions may not be enforceable. In order to legally ensure your wishes will be carried out, you'll need a legal and witnessed document such as a will, a living will, or a medical directive.

Once you've made your wishes clear, you can enjoy peace of mind of knowing you've done everything you can to make your funeral and final days as easy as possible for those who are left behind.